How NOT to Write A Love Letter (15 Ways)
86How Not to Write A Love Letter (15 Ways)
If, in the past, you sat down, took pen (never pencil) in hand, and wrote a love letter to the object (person) of your affection and that person never responded, or has disappeared entirely, there may be a reason. In fact there may be 15 reasons.
There are certain things that you just should not do or write in a love letter.
You should not (or never):
- Send a love letter email - This would feel like a cheesy form letter. Are you writing everybody in the hopes of getting a response from somebody? It takes no effort at all to change "Dear Somebody" to "Dear Everybody" - with just the push of the delete button. Besides, a handwritten letter says a lot about you, literally. A graphologist* can take one look at your love letter and gather quite a bit of information. You want your sincerity to shine through!
- Be an illiterate - No one, let me repeat this, no one wants an idiot. Saying foolish things aloud is bad enough but then to immortalize them on paper - big mistake. There is nothing wrong with coming across as educated, intelligent, bright, smart, literate, etc. If you doubt your spelling abilities then write an email first, spell check it - then handwrite your love letter. Better to err on the side of being mistaken for someone intelligent rather than an idiot.
- Write page after page after page - Too boring and tedious. No one wants to keep reading and reading and reading - until you finally get to the point. Less is more and shows you have substance - and can show it on one page.
- Say "I" "I" "I" - This makes it appear as if it is all about you, and you want this relationship for your benefit. Remember, love is supposed to be about sharing in a relationship. Not "I" -ing it to death.
- Use computer paper, looseleaf paper, or a brown paper bag - At best this would show a terrible lack of imagination. At worst it would show the height of shocking cheapness. Take the time to purchase some good paper or at least colored paper. Even weak writing looks better on good stationery. But no clowns or well-known cartoon characters. It may come across as a personal comment about your character - or the person you are writing.
- Sprinkle the letter with perfume, or cologne - This is an old, tiresome, unromantic, unimaginative, overdone, rather desperate idea. It would seem as if you could not sit down and dash off a sincere letter of heart-felt love and affection. Instead you had to go find some chemical laced concoction and fool around with it. If the object of your affection has allergies - you probably won't see that person ever again - and be hated in the process.
- Send a love letter to a man if you are a woman - Sooooo very easily misconstrued. He may read your love letter as a contract to share your apartment, good credit, bedroom, bed, food, etc. with him because...well because you put it in writing. Let him write you a hand-written love letter. Even an amateur graphologist* can figure out a lot about a person from his handwriting - and you need to know who you are dealing with. Talk may be cheap but writing shows some investment.
- Propose marriage - Cowardly. The eyes, and body language will tell your true intentions.
- Write more than one - Don't keep dashing off letter after letter. Make your point in one beautiful, thoughtful, well-written love letter - on good stationery, written with a pen that does not skip or leak. If you get a response then take your time and write another. In the interim you are supposed to plan picnics and arrange dinner dates and so on. Your next love letter can refer to those happily shared moments - which you have created.
- Make an attempt at poetry - No, never. Don't think that just because you can rhyme love with glove and dove and above makes you a poet. Poetry is a true beautiful art. Bad poetry is frightening. You may refer to the writings of a true poet but that shouldn't be in your first letter. In your first love letter, your lovely and sincere writing should shine through, not the writing of a dead poet.
- Write "You" "You" "You" - Sounds too much like you are looking for a servant and are creating a list of all the things your servant will do (aka a contol freak monster).
- Promise the moon and the stars and a rainbow - This is quite lovely and you can write about such, but it should be followed with something realistic, something concrete like: If our date starts at eight, just know, I will never be late (there's a little rhyme for you - and promised punctuality gets a gold star).
- Start a relationship with a love letter - If you hardly know the person, a love letter is always inappropriate. You cannot possibly love a person who you see on the subway, or walks past your house once a week, or gets on the elevator with you. Don't confuse lust with love. Love letters are a continuation of something positive, something that is already happening. A love letter to someone you hardly know comes across as stalking. Creepy stuff.
- Doodle all around the edges - No. Just say 'no' to doodling all around the edges or anywhere else.
- Sign off with "Luv Ya" or "Your Boo" - If you cannot sign off with your real name, you will come across as someone in a commited relationship - with someone else - who is prepared to say somewhere down the line, "See hon, I didn't write that. That person over there is not the object of my affection. That love letter, or whatever it is, doesn't have my name on it."
The best thing(s) to do is:
Keep it short, sweet, simple, and sincere.
*Graphologist - a person who studies handwriting. This practice is thousands of years old. Often a graphologist is also a psychologist as it is said that handwriting can reveal a lot about a person's character. Graphologists are often used in the courtroom. For example: If you watch Judge Joe Brown, many times he will call in a handwriting expert when a defendant (or plaintiff) blatantly lies about not having signed a promissory note. The handwriting expert will describe in detail the similarites of the signature on the promissory note and the signature on the liar's driver license or other signed documents.
Happy writing!
How Not to Write a Love Letter
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Hi Shelby!
Thank you for writing. I'm hoping to get more opinions soon! I'd never accept an email love letter either.
BK
I read this just in time. I was just hitting to the mailbox. Could've been a disaster! Thanks BKCreative. You're so almighty clever.
Hey Nic,
You are so funny! Thanks!
Oops, I meant that I was heading to the mailbox. I am an illiterate!
I had several love letters of those in my young age. I totally agree with your advice!! I want to take short, sweet, simple, and sincere love letters. *^^*
Hello Jenny Dear,
I think we all have wild love letter stories. Mine have been quite illiterate! Sigh! I loved living in Seoul, where it was my students who wrote me endless lovely brilliait sincere sweet 'love letters" - wow!
Thanks a lot for writing.
Carolyn
oops! I meant 'brilliant'...
Great tips, wish I had came across this hub yesterday- I just wrote out my wife's Christmas card--it turned out good when I compared it against the list of No No's... may have been too long though. It took up the empty half of a greeting card...anwyay-excellent read, thanks!
I think you've already done all the right things!
Your wife looks genuinely happy!
Thanks for writing!
Loved your hub! Funny and from past experiences, so true. Never right a love letter to a man if you are a woman. Words of Wisdom. We all learn the hard way, and from our past mistakes. Hindsight is a trip!!!! Thanks for a great help to both genders.
Thanks Heavengates - I'm glad you enjoyed the humor of the hub! Probably most of the things we do as women are never really necessary. Thanks for commenting!
sincere and simple is all, hehe I never wrote to a male that would be fun?? Thank you BK< I miss ya, Maita
Hmmm, I wonder what male I could write a love letter to - that's a thought. I used to work with a bunch of fun people and surely we could have had a fun valentine's party and wrote love letters to each other - ANONYMOUSLY - of course! I think we all need a love letter to tuck away.
Glad to see you Maita!
What about "repurposing" love letters? If you covered that, I missed it.
I know a certain family (I won't name names) where members regularly repurpose greeting cards. All you need is a fresh, wide-tip black Sharpie, and "Happy Birthday, Son" can be instantly transformed into "Happy Mothers' Day".
Of course, envelopes are a problem. 1. You can't repurpose them, and 2. Greeting cards come in so many different shapes and sizes.
But with a good pair of scissors you can usually trim that card to fit whatever envelope you may have lying around. Or so I'm told.
Anyway, I enjoyed your piece. Thanks.
L.T.
Hilarious itfawkes - repurposing love letters! It's probably done all the time. Imagine getting caught - you can always say you were being eco-friendly.
Thanks for commenting!
My husband lived in Germany for a year before we were married. This was before e-mail was something everyone had and calling was expensive. We wrote a lot. They weren't exactly love letters, but in a way they certainly were. Definitely something to treasure.
I love a real tangible letter mulberry1 - always have and always wrote them and treasured what I received. And a letter says so much. I can certainly see marrying a man who wrote letters.
Thanks for sharing that!
You forgot one- never leave lipstick stamps on the letter as a sign of blowing a kiss..lol
Great - you've covered it so nicely. Thanks so much xixi12. And great to meet you!
Very well written and informative! I'll keep this in mind too. Another don't would be to write in pencil or felt-tips etc. that would look shoddy!
Thanks for the advice, very much appreciated!
Thank you Ryan-Palmsy. Glad you enjoyed the hub - and let's hope there will be no felt-tip, etc. written love letters - argh!
But there are women who think it's cute to mess up on SOME words not most words and some girls who think if it's short you are still hiding some feelings and the only ones that matter are the real long 2 or 3 page letters because it shows effort. Every girl is different every single last one of them... That's what I've learne over the years
So true Nick - and a sharp man knows that. Good for you. We are not one and the same and we are never, ever interchangeable. Each woman gets a personal letter. That's why you don't start a relationship writing love letters -it takes time to know a woman. Then there is always the fear that an early love letter means it's the that is passed around to all women.
Thanks for writing!
Very useful article.
Thanks willian.fischer29! Glad you found it useful!
Great tips and wonderful information. It is worth bookmarking. Voted useful
So glad you enjoyed it ubanichijioke. Thanks for commenting and thanks for the vote!
@BkCreative...In-ter-esting.
@ubanichijioke...Okay, you're a hunk. Now put your shirt on and go write a love letter correctly.
Thanks Barbspitsnpieces! Glad you found the hub in-ter-esting! Yay!
And I'd love to read a love letter from ubanchijioke!
Thanks Barbspitsnpieces! Glad you found the hub in-ter-esting! Yay!
And I'd love to read a love letter from ubanchijioke!
Hey there, I'm really in love with this girl, but I've only known her for a week now. The magic spark happened when she was sitting next to me and we talked just a little bit. She has the most beautiful smile and eyes that I have ever seen. I also think the smile was sincere.
I was wondering if you have any additional tips as I've only known her for a week. I'm going to write her a love letter in which I'm planning to ask her if we could be friends. I also do not have her address, so I'd need to give her the letter at school... Oh my god, that nervosity.
Mark - I wouldn't write what may be considered a love letter - it is waaaay too soon.
What would I do if I was a cool young guy? I'd do something witty and very very short. Like taking the tiniest - but nice - piece of paper and just saying - 'love being your friend' - that's enough love for now.
It makes you creative but not at all pushy. All the young women I know (as a long time and former teacher) would head for the hills if a guy they just met handed them a love letter. I've had female students show me love letters written by guys that they have just met. It didn't make them feel comfortable.
Hope this works for you.
thanks so much
You're welcome ewrtyuioo. Thanks for commenting!
Hello!
I'm in love with a guy I've known for a year. At first I took him as a friend but slowly developed feelings for him. We have a lot in common, he makes me laugh and understands me. He is my classmate in college.
We went on a date, it didn't end with holding hands and a kiss and since then we acted a little awkward. But when we chat online he writes to me as if we were more than just friends. We once talked about how it is sad that people don't write letters any more. It is his birthday next week and I don't know if I should write him a card and make it a little longer - kind of love letter-y. I was surprised when I read your advice - that a woman shouldn't write a love letter to a man.
I know you don't know all facts about this relationship but do you think it would be such a mistake to write to this guy? Should it be love letter or just a friendly card? Or should I not write at all?
Thanks for all great advices and for your time
M.
A card is lovely Marianne - and I have always been a card giver with a little something extra inside like a few nice words or fun words. But I have to say writing love stuff just hasn't done it for women unless they are actually married to the man. Prior to that it creates so many questions.
If his birthday is next week, he is a Scorpio and they can be very possessive. It is a feminine sign and they can communicate very well with women - but that may be what is happening here - Scorpio men are very in tune with women, naturally.
I think for young women dating should be all about fun, experience, and more fun.
There is this writer named Myreah Moore and she wrote a book about why women should date 100 men before settling down with one. We tend to limit ourselves to one man when we don't have to and men rarely do likewise.
I will say this, if you go ahead and start writing love letters/cards to him, don't be surprised if the relationship changes.
This is great advice! I thought it was interesting that you claimed that "a graphologist can take one look at your love letter and gather quite a bit of information." I had never thought of a love letter being passed through a handwriting expert, but I guess it could happen! http://www.handwritingexperttennessee.com/
Oh man I wish I could have shown this to a guy I dated a few years ago! He tried to write me a bunch of love letters and they were all SO embarrassing. He made almost every one of these mistakes... He had awful spelling and grammar, wrote page after page, said "I" "I" "I," used looseleaf paper (with tears and crinkles all over the place and he didn't even tear off the serrated part that connects it to the spiral of the notebook), wrote more than one, made a very sad attempt at poetry, and promised all sorts of ridiculous things. One of them fell out of my pocket in my high school math class and the kids behind me found it and made fun of it for the whole period!! At least he fessed up to this complete awfulness when he signed it with his name xD
I'm so glad you wrote Deanna992 - because you've added one more (wildly) funny thing to the list - not tearing off the serrated part from a spiral note book. This I can visualize, and it would drive me mad.
Ah, men. They need so much guidance. Many years ago I taught at a vocational high school filled with boys and more than anything they wanted to be cool with the girls but writing love letters - you should have seen the chicken scratch and worse. I said all that to say if I could go back then I'd turn this list into a school project, say around Valentine's Day. This way I could save many young deserving women from the horror (and hilarity) you went through!
Thanks for writing!
BkCreative, it was so awful! I hated every minute of it. But that's okay because now I have something hilarious to remember (equipped with a facepalm good and ready).
A school project would have been absolutely hilarious! But in all honesty, I'm pretty thankful that at least they try. I'd rather have a guy try and absolutely fail than simply give up before starting. Then when they make a fool of themselves you can do some good laughing, followed by whipping them into shape from there. ;)
So true Deanna992 - make some effort! E for effort we used to say. I've had my share of bad love letter writers. The main problem was getting letters from boys that I had absolutely no interest in. And yes, now we can laugh.
what an easy and entertaining read
I'm so glad you enjoyed it tyra marieza! Thanks for writing!
thanks u so much to help me
You're welcome ashmita. And thanks for writing.
Some good advice BK. some I agree with and some I don't. My gal has written me love letters, I was always impressed. We been together 10 years. Sent couple in e-mails too. She obviously was thinking of me and made the effort.You were a school teacher,so i'm sure the young guys made lots of mistakes, but to laugh at those young fellows who put thier feelings out there would lead me to believe, maybe their feelings were wasted on someone who wouldn't appreciate it. On the other hand your artical was good advice and I will definatly take some of it to heart. Just one guys point of view though.
Hello a guy's view! I always appreciate another perspective. There is no one way ever to do anything. Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment.
aww man! thnx a lot for these steps. Its just before valentines day and I was gonna send a loveletter to the girl I like. this saved me
Nothing like being saved shubhankar. Wait for the right time and do it the right way.
Hey BKCreative so i`ve known this girl for about 5 years and we dated for a couple months but i messed up by saying i love you too quickly is writing a love letter to rekindle a relationship fine or no?
You need to be in a relationship in order to write a love letter NewBeginning. You can write her but you can't mention love - just how are you and how you enjoyed her company in the past - maybe share a memory. And see what kind of response you get.
I must say I am pleased at how many people like the idea of writing love letters - and want to do it right! Yay!
This was helpful, thanks! I disagree with a few things though. I think it's okay for a woman to write a man a love letter, and I don't believe in always keeping the letter short... especially when you have a ton of history with the person you're writing too! I struggled with how to keep "you" and "I" out of the letter and decided that "he" and "she" works very well. Thanks again! =)
Glad to hear from you Lynn and you certainly sound like you know what you are doing. I think at some point in my life in a well established relationship I'd also like to write a sincere love letter to my mate. It would probably be lengthy - I do tend to go on and on and on...
Thanks for taking the time to write. If in the future should you come back here after having written your grand love letter I think lots of folks would love to know how it worked for you.
Above all - have fun! Yay!
Shelby 3 years ago
This is good advice. Thanks. I would never accept an email as a love letter.